remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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