Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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