I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You can't just leave with hair like that
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
