even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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