They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
