Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
