Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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