I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
