Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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