he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
