I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
