im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
