Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
