do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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