i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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