He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
