does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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