My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
