It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
