too bad you live with your parents still
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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