im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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