wat bout pragnant strippers??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
