i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
