Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
