I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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