I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
