a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
