Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
