Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
