just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
