How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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