her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
