i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
