On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
