The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
vagina is talking i cant
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
