I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
