took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
