Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
