Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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