Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
