I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
