i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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