he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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