And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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