I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
