apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
