you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
