he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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