didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
