I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
