Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
