so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
