My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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