Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
