We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
