I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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