I'm pants shitting drunk right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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