Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
