my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
