His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
