beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
