Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
