i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
