I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
