Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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