so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
soo... how was my night?
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