I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
