He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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