i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
