think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
