i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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