ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
