I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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