How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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