We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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